Negotiation

Never meet in the middle – the techniques the FBI uses to negotiate

A former FBI hostage negotiator on why you should never meet in the middle. A walk through the ideas in Chris Voss's Never Split the Difference – tactical empathy, mirroring, calibrated questions – and what holds outside a hostage situation.

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What this covers

  1. Why compromise is often the worst outcome
  2. Tactical empathy – understanding the other side without agreeing
  3. Mirroring and labelling
  4. Calibrated questions beginning with how and what
  5. Why a no is a better start than a yes
  6. The difference between “you're right” and “that's right”
  7. The Ackerman model for negotiating on price

What this covers (cont.)

  1. The criticism of the book

Why not meet in the middle

Tactical empathy

Tactical empathy, three tools

  1. MirroringRepeat the last few words the other person said, as a question. People elaborate, almost without noticing.
  2. Labelling“It sounds like you are worried about …” Right or wrong – they correct you, and you have learned something.
  3. Accusation auditSay the worst thing they could think about you before they say it themselves. It takes the sting out.
Empathy here does not mean agreeing or being nice. It means understanding what the other person feels and why – and showing that you have understood it.

Calibrated questions

No is a beginning

Conventional negotiation hunts for yes. Voss argues the opposite: a no gives people a sense of control and safety, and only then does the real conversation begin. An early yes is often just politeness.

The Ackerman model

The Ackerman model

65 %The opening offer
85 %+20
95 %+10
100 %+5, an odd final number

OpeningYour target

The steps shrink all the way. That is the signal: each time you give less than last time, the other side reads it as your approaching your limit.

The criticism

Key points

  • Meeting in the middle often produces an outcome nobody actually wanted.
  • The aim is to understand what the other side really needs – not to agree.
  • “How am I supposed to do that?” moves the problem to the other side of the table.
  • A no gives people a sense of control. The conversation starts from there.

Key points (cont.)

  • “That's right” means they feel understood. “You're right” means they want you to stop.
  • The techniques are easy to describe and hard to execute under pressure.

Questions this answers

  • Why should you not meet in the middle in a negotiation?
  • What is tactical empathy?
  • What are mirroring and labelling in negotiation?
  • What is a calibrated question?
  • Why is no a good start?
  • How do you negotiate salary or price the way Voss does?

Questions this answers (cont.)

  • Does hostage negotiation work in ordinary negotiations?

Sources

  • Chris Voss and Tahl Raz – Never Split the Difference (2016)

Spørretimen

Read the whole thing at

www.sporretimen.no/en/episodes/never-split-the-difference/